Caveat lector...

this site is the online interactive service ("website") operated by Gilbert Price. This website is meant for educational/entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. No animals were harmed in the creation of this website (so far). Do not speak to operator while coach is in motion. List each cheque separately by bank number. Batteries not included. CONTENTS MAY SETTLE DURING SHIPMENT. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use this website while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to CRTC approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. This website is for recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if mailed in Canada. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem to be right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with the Canadian Alliance Raging Loon party. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool; process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Falling rock. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your cancelled cheque is your receipt. Add toner. Place stamp here. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the Assinaboine. Be brave, watch for the signs. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to insure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flame. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more. cheque here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No American coins, especially those hinky Susan B. Anthony dollars. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone, a half-hour later in Newfoundland. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No political campaigners. No religious nutbars. No small dogs or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Commercial sample, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub.

this site, is an "as is" service. It may be subject to any of the following at any time: crashing, shutting down with or without warning, making that "chk-chk-chk" noise like a fork in a blender, spinning around several times and vomiting pea soup, playing "Don't Worry, Be Happy" at all hours, or breathing chili-dip in your general direction. Do not operate heavy machinery after using this website. This website may cause drowsiness, dizziness, heart palpitations, shortness of breath, angina, temporary blindness, loss of consciousness, seizures, skin rash, nausea, vomiting, involuntary humming or subvocalization, stigmata, bloating, water retention, and/or spontaneous transmogrification into small forest creatures. Not responsible for emotional damage resulting from use of this website. May cause feelings of paranoia, delirium, or confusion. Prolonged use of website can cause a bad hair day. This website contains no user serviceable parts. No lifeguard on duty. For children under 12, give half usual dosage. May be habit forming. No refunds or exchanges. Failure to follow appropriate safety precautions may result in headache or nausea. Contents under pressure. Do not puncture or incinerate this website. Void where prohibited. GST and provincial sales taxes may apply. Avoid contact with eye or mucus membranes. This service not available in all areas. This website is not a savings account and is not insured by the CDIC. Read all instructions before using this website. If skin rash or irritation develops, discontinue use and consult a physician immediately. Do not use this website while bathing. For external use only. Not responsible for lost or misdirected mail. Do not use the website if under the influence of alcohol or drugs. No warranty is expressed or implied. In case of accidental ingestion, do not induce vomiting. Not responsible for incidental or consequential damages or for acts of God. It is illegal in some provinces to use this website while sleeping. Articles posted on this website do not reflect the thoughts or opinions of this site, or me ("Gilbert Price"). Don't quote me on that. Don't quote me on anything. All rights reserved. Terms are subject to change without notice. Illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail. Do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law. Hand wash only. Tumble dry on low heat. Do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle. Your mileage may vary. No substitutions allowed. For a limited time only. This website is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted. Reader assumes full responsibility. No shoes, no shirt, no service. Quantities are limited while supplies last. If any defects are discovered, do not attempt to remedy them yourself. Return to an authorized service center. Parental discretion advised. Text may contain explicit materials some readers may find objectionable. Keep away from sunlight. Keep away from pets and small children. Limit one-per-family please. No money down. No purchase necessary. No preservatives added. Slippery when wet. Safety goggles may be required during use. Sealed for your protection. Do not use if safety seal is broken. If rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue use. Avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place. Keep away from open flames. Avoid contact with eyes and skin and avoid inhaling fumes. Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 30 degrees Centigrade. The best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a condom. No salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added. If ingested, induce vomiting. If symptoms persist, consult a physician. Possible penalties for early withdrawal. Allow four to six weeks for delivery. Disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes, and other Acts of God, neglect, damage from improper use, incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorized reading, broken antenna or soiled carpet, missing or altered serial numbers, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, sticks and stones, etc.). Other restrictions may apply. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb.

WARNING: This website warps space and time in its vicinity. This website attracts every other piece of matter in the Universe, including other websites, with a force proportional to the product of their masses and inversely proportional to the distance between them.

CAUTION: The mass of this website contains the energy equivalent of 85 million tons of TNT per net ounce of weight.

HEALTH WARNING: Care should be taken when lifting this website, since its mass, and thus its weight, is dependent on its velocity relative to the user. Do not stick beans in your nose. Wash hands before and after using this website.

ADVISORY: There is an extremely small but nonzero chance that, through a process known as "tunneling," this website may spontaneously disappear from its present location and reappear at any random place in the universe, including your neighbour's domicile. this site will not be responsible for any damages or inconvenience that may result.

COMPONENT EQUIVALENCY NOTICE: The subatomic particles (electrons, protons, etc.) comprising this website are exactly the same in every measurable respect as those used in the production of other websites, and no claim to the contrary may legitimately be expressed or implied.

CONSUMER NOTICE: Because of the "Uncertainty Principle," it is impossible for the consumer to find out at the same time both precisely where this website is and how fast it is moving.

NOTE: The most fundamental particles in this website are held together by a "gluing" force about which little is currently known and whose adhesive power cannot therefore be permanently guaranteed.

ATTENTION: Despite any other listing of contents found herein, the consumer is advised that, in actuality, this website consists of 99.999999999999% empty space.

HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE: This website contains minute electrically charged particles moving at velocities in excess of five hundred million miles her hour.

READ THIS BEFORE OPENING PACKAGE: According to certain suggested versions of a Grand Unified Theory, the primary particles constituting this website may decay to nothingness within the next four hundred million years.

PUBLIC NOTICE AS REQUIRED BY LAW: Any use of this website, in any manner whatsoever, will increase the amount of disorder in the universe. Although no liability is implied herein, the consumer is warned that this process will ultimately lead to the heat death of the universe.

NEW GRAND UNIFIED THEORY DISCLAIMER: The manufacturer may technically be entitled to claim that this website has ten-dimensional legal rights above and beyond those applicable to three-dimensional objects, since the seven new dimensions are "rolled up" into such a small area that they cannot be detected.

IMPORTANT NOTICE TO PURCHASERS: The entire physical universe, including this website, may one day collapse back into an infinitesimally small space. Should another universe subsequently re-emerge, the existence of this website in that universe cannot be guaranteed.

THIS IS A 100% MATTER PRODUCT: In the unlikely event that this website should contact antimatter in any form, a catastrophic explosion will result.

PLEASE NOTE: Some quantum physics theories suggest that when the consumer is not directly observing this website, it may cease to exist or will exist only in a vague and undetermined state.

DISCLAIMER DISCLAIMER: Great legal minds produced the text above and it is our reverence for the law that compels us to reproduce it here. Please feel free to use this site's disclaimer in any way you wish (subject to the terms of the disclaimer, of course).

Please Note: The above "Disclaimer" was found at 327.ca, and in accordance with their Disclaimer is adopted as our Disclaimer!